My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
