she was so not down for the gang bang
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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