I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
