I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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