I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
