I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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