I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
