You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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