i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
