just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
