glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
