Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
they're like a gay fantastic four
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
