it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I came so hard my ears popped.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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