My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
