The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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