My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
