Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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