God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
So here I am, sexting at work.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
