if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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