I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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