I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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