Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
