It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
