I just threw up on my dentist
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
