I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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