four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
