Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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