The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
