The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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