The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
