What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
