was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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