there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
