i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
