sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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