lets start a swedish sibling band together
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
