Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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