i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
