it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
