You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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