goodnight i made you a song goodbye
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
