Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Randomize
