So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
