you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
