trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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