How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
