My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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