Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
