Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
