I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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